I had been through this journey before. The anxious wait for test results to know if I had cancer. The results that could completely turn my life upside down, or bring an extreme sense of relief and elation. Yet again, I have been on the cancer rollercoaster.
Read my story below where I share my coping strategies. The story may be triggering for some. If you would like to skip straight to the mindful coping strategies I used, please click here.
The Important Reason I’m Sharing This
The first time I had a cancer scare it wasn’t a false alarm and I didn’t cope with it particularly well. When I went into this new scare, I was equipped with much better mental coping strategies. Although it is a painful journey to share, if I can help somebody by writing this then it is 100% worthwhile.
Back in 2017 I was diagnosed with skin cancer. Although it was thankfully treatable with surgery, it was a very traumatic thing to go through. I had the cancer removed and then a plastic surgeon had to put my face back together. Due to a condition I have called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, anaesthetics don’t always work on me. The anaesthetic failed during my procedure so although some of the surgery was as it should have been, I actually felt the pain when I was cut open in some areas. I felt out of control of the whole situation which had a big emotional impact.
I held it together emotionally until a month or so after surgery and then I fell apart. This is when I discovered mindfulness, which not only helped me to recover but also prepared me for what was to come.
Here we go again…
In early 2021 I noticed a pain that was unusual for me in one of my breasts. I couldn’t feel any lumps but as I have a history of cancer I decided I should contact my doctor and she examined me. At the examination she did find a lump. This was obviously not the news I was hoping for and my heart sank.
I was lucky enough to be seen within a week by a Consultant and had an ultrasound to investigate. Thankfully they gave me the all clear and I was told it was nothing to be concerned about. This process was all very quick, but it sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. Using mindfulness to get through it made the experience much more manageable and I felt it was important to share my journey so that anyone going through a similar experience can try some of the techniques I used.
What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is being fully present in the moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings.
Living life mindfully is being aware of your feelings and what is going on around you. Sometimes those feelings will be negative. If this is the case then acknowledge how you are feeling, tell yourself that the feeling won’t last forever and then try to refocus on the moment that you are in. This can help keep your mind from worrying about the future or the past.
Being aware of your surroundings is a great mindful activity to ground you and bring your mind back to the present moment. Listening to the birds is one of my favourite mindful activities. Think about what you find relaxing or enjoyable and then try and surround yourself with those things.
Self Care
Practising mindfulness can be challenging when the moment you are living in is actually really hard. One of the main challenges for me has been learning to be present through an experience that was traumatic. How I did this was partly attributed to practising self care.
I cannot overstate how important it is to look after yourself and allow yourself to do things you get pleasure out of. This could be giving yourself a manicure, or going out to feed the ducks. Choose whatever works for you.
It can feel selfish to take time out for yourself, especially if you have a family you are responsible for taking care of, but it is vital to your own wellbeing. I used to be there for everyone else and neglected my own needs. I ended up not being there for them for a period of time because I burned out. I have learnt the hard way that self care is ok, and it’s really important.
Talk to Somebody
This time around I was more open with my feelings to myself and to those around me. I think a big reason I was able to cope better with this recent scare was my ability to share those thoughts and feelings.
Mental health is thankfully being talked about more in current times. It is more accepted that people suffer with their mental health and there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are struggling with anxiety, depression or any other mental health condition. It doesn’t make you weak. It takes strength to stand up and say you’re not ok. It’s ok to not be ok.
If you need to talk to someone about your mental health, there is always somebody who will listen. Click here if you would like to access a list of Global mental health helplines.
Meditation – Finding the Time
Do you find yourself too busy to meditate? Meditation can be brilliant and is proven to help mental health by changing the chemical balance in the brain. However, I sometimes find myself reluctant to give up my time to sit and ‘do nothing’. In reality, it isn’t doing nothing. It is actually really working on yourself and improving your brains ability to be calm.
As someone who is likely to have Attention Deficit Disorder (I was never officially diagnosed) and Restless Leg Syndrome, I find sitting or laying still extremely challenging. What should be relaxing has often resulted in me getting frustrated that my body won’t stay still or relax.
Practice, practice, practice….
If you like me have struggled with meditation, practise can really help. I am a lot better at it than I used to be and it helped me relieve a lot of tension when I went through my health scare. Now I find it easier and therefore I feel better about making the time for it.
It is something that I would recommend taking some time out to do.
Micro Mindfulness
If you don’t think meditation is for you, it may be worth trying micro mindfulness.
What is micro mindfulness?
Micro mindfulness is basically taking just moments to be mindful. It doesn’t involve blocking off a whole section of your day, it can be fitted in as and when you get a moment.
I find this useful to do throughout the day. It keeps my mood more constant than waiting until an evening for meditation (I have a busy house so it is difficult for me to meditate effectively during the day). With micro mindfulness you can focus on your breathing or other mindful activities like observing what is going on around you.
My experience of micro mindfulness has been extremely positive. If I’m washing up the dishes for example, I take a few seconds to take a deep breath and notice how I can relax my muscles. It’s only then that I sometimes realise how much tension I’m holding. I might look out of the window for a few seconds and notice somebody walking past, or the trees swaying in the wind. Then I will carry on with my washing up. It takes such a small about of time but by taking those small moments throughout the day, you can keep your body in a more relaxed state.
Coping with Reminders of Trauma
I still have reminders every day about what I’ve been through. Whether it is seeing my scars looking back at me when I look in the mirror, or being unable to concentrate for long without getting migraines due to the nerve damage in my face (The muscles above my right eye now need to work a lot harder). The difference now is that I have learned to cope with it.
The situation is what it is and I can’t change it so I have worked on accepting it. Once you can reach acceptance of a situation it can help you live a happier life. Whilst I get moments of bad memories and worries, I allow myself to acknowledge it and then bring myself back to the present.
Dealing with reminders of trauma can take a lot of perseverance and practise but if you keep working at it, you can get better at it.
Check your Breasts
Whilst I wanted this post to be focused mainly on the mental health side of dealing with trauma, I felt it was important to include some guidance on checking your breasts following my health scare. There is a really good guide on how to check your breasts here. We should all check regularly for any changes on our chest area, not just women. The earlier any abnormalities are found the better.
Conclusion
Sometimes our minds can get carried away dwelling on the past or having worrying thoughts about the future. Using mindfulness techniques can help keep your mind away from thinking about those catastrophic thoughts you may have. Acknowledge to yourself (or others) that those thoughts are there and then bring yourself back to the present.
If you would like to read more mindfulness activities that I recommend, click here to read my article ‘11 Mindful Activities to Calm Anxiety’.
I hope you have found this article useful. I would love for you to share it and leave me a comment.