As somebody who has struggled with both physical and mental illnesses, I sometimes look to others for inspiration. One person who I felt I related to instantly is ‘Erica: Chronically Neurodivergent’ (previously known as Erica: The Incidental Parent), a blogger I have followed for a while. Erica always comes across as trying to put a positive, funny spin on what she goes through, and whilst she faces challenges and struggles, I ‘took’ to her amazing attitude to life.
Erica has Crohn’s Disease, but has also recently been diagnosed with ADHD at age 44. I approached Erica for an interview to discuss how she deals with her every day life, along with her ADHD diagnosis and I’m pleased to say she agreed. You can read Erica’s inspiring story below.
Hi Erica. Thanks for taking part in this interview. Please introduce yourself to my readers.
Hi, I’m Erica. I am 45 years old and I am a blogger. I live in Sevenoaks, Kent with my partner, our two children and our newest addition Vader who is an ex racing greyhound. I’ve lived in Sevenoaks all my life, my partner is French and I hope we will move there one day but I worry that my illness will prevent that.
Tell us a bit about what made you start blogging…
I started blogging about 6 years ago. One of the reasons was a friend, and old work colleague, said I ought to start as my personal Facebook posts were funny. I had no idea what a blog was or entailed so I kind of went in blind thinking people would just read my posts without realising I had to promote them myself somehow which is well out of my comfort zone. I also felt like I was different from other mums and there was little representation for people like me so thought I would give it a go myself.
It is actually hard work to earn a living from blogging and you have a lot to learn about social media, websites and so on. There are obviously people who are launched into the limelight from a viral video or whatever – that is not me! I can’t imagine me telling people about my broken arse is going to make me famous, nor do I particularly want to be.
You are very honest in your writing about the things you experience. This has undoubtedly helped many people in similar situations to you, including me, by hearing your story. Has writing down your experiences helped you?
That is nice to hear 🙂 Yes, it has helped me in that I don’t feel alone. Also knowing that I have helped someone in a small way is what it’s all about for me. Being open and honest about my own disabilities, health issues and so on is important to me, showing both the good and bad, I don’t want to give people false hope but also want people to know it can and does get better. Also it is something I can do from my own home so it gives me a sense of self worth.
When did you receive your Crohn’s diagnosis? Tell us a bit about that journey.
I was quite late being diagnosed with Crohn’s, having had symptoms since I was in my teens but it was misdiagnosed as IBS as the symptoms are similar (Crohn’s is an IBD Inflammatory Bowel Disease which is not the same as Irritable Bowel Disease and can be life threatening). I was actually diagnosed at the age of 35, when Big L (my eldest son) was 1 year old. I had awful stomach cramps and a fever and the GP was sure I had appendicitis. Luckily I had a CT scan before I was operated on at hospital and they discovered it wasn’t appendicitis at all. I was given the assumed diagnosis (it has to be confirmed by colonoscopy and biopsies which took place later) in the middle of the night at the hospital.
Since diagnosis I have had lots of operations – this is not always the case for people with Crohn’s, early intervention and medication can really help. A year following diagnosis I had a bowel resection as the reason I was having so much pain was due to stricturing which is where the scar tissue caused by the disease shrinks the bowel making it hard for anything to pass through. I was unfortunate in that I developed an anastomotic leak which is where fluid from the bowel leaks and causes septicaemia. I was very ill and ended up having an emergency stoma, waking up in ICU and spending a month in hospital away from my family, Big L was 2 at this time. The wound took months to heal as it became infected. Six months later the stoma was reversed but I went on to develop incisional hernias from the operations. I had them repaired but the mesh used got infected and had to be removed. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up!
Now I still have hernias and I’m battling with an anal fistula.
I feel like I went through a kind of grieving process when I became chronically ill for the life I might have led if I didn’t have these limitations. Did you experience anything like this?
Oh absolutely! I also had a lot of guilt as I had a baby and was unable to do a lot of the things most mothers take for granted as I was in pain or exhausted or in hospital or having operations or recovering from operations – you get the jist. I kind of felt like I had taken my life before for granted too – how could I have been so flippant about health. But no one prepares you for a chronic illness diagnosis.
Do you feel like you had a turning point when you were able to accept your illness and perhaps find peace with it?
I have good days and bad days still. Most days I get up and crack on but there is always that nagging feeling or wish of what your life could or should have been. I think Covid really brought a lot home too. Being immunosuppressed I was classed as vulnerable, although my GP didn’t have me on “the list” which I had to fight for to get on (that’s another matter entirely), watching the news as it all unfolded and how the vulnerable people were deemed expendable at the start really brought it home. It made me feel worthless in the eyes of the government but also very angry as I, and so many others, have so much to give. Seeing how others perceived me was hurtful.
Ultimately, I guess I am at peace in that there is nothing I can do to change it so I just make the best of it and try to raise awareness and help others in my own way, through blogging.
I focus a lot on mindfulness in this blog, and primarily my online courses are based around this subject. Being mindful is living in the present moment and being aware of how you feel in that moment. You seem to make the most of your life and embrace each moment. Do you feel like you practise mindfulness in your day to day life?
I think I do by default. Even before my diagnosis my go to was “it is what it is”, not in a defeatist way but if you can’t change something then you just have to make the best of it. Having a chronic illness does make you more grateful for good days and I tend to try to make the most of them. When you live a life where you experience a lot of physical pain, making the most of days when you are in less pain is very important.
Do you feel like being open about your health problems has made you cope with it better?
I think I have always been an over-sharer, which is likely linked to also having ADHD. I do tend to say things that shock people, admittedly sometimes I do it on purpose just to see a reaction but sometimes things just fall out before I realise it was inappropriate. I also think being poked and prodded in the most intimate areas makes you lose your inhibitions a bit. More strangers have seen parts of me than I care to think about!
You recently got diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 44. How did it feel to get an ADHD diagnosis at this age?
It explained a lot. A lot of things kind of made sense then like why I always felt like an outsider, even with some close friends. Why I was bullied, why I can’t focus on one thing very long at times, why I lose stuff, why I struggle to read a book. That was a big discovery, I always wondered why I took so long to read, I literally have to read a book aloud in my head, I can get to the end of a page and realise I haven’t taken any of it in and it’s because I’m thinking of something else at the same time. Finding out about RSD (Rejection Sensory Disorder) was a game changer and explained so much.
There is a mourning though. I wish I had known years ago, it would have saved a lot of heartache, depression, bad decisions and relationships, and I may have achieved more academically, financially and personally had I known and had access to medication earlier.
What do you feel like your best coping strategies are for living life with both Crohns and ADHD?
I think what works for one person won’t work for another. For me it’s an element of accepting that I can’t change some things but fighting to change others – if that makes sense. Finding support groups online was helpful too, but there is a lot of what I call Chronic Illness Top Trumps, they are the people who have it worse than everyone else, there is an element of trying to outdo each other with how bad they have it and I can’t be doing with that. I don’t mind an element of self pity, we are all entitled but that is taking it to the next level and it gets on my nerves!
Thanks to Erica for taking the time for this interview.
You can see Erica’s website by clicking the image below.
